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ORAL ARGUMENTS:
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PAULA JONES TERMINOLOGY |
CLINTON TERMINOLOGY |
Performing sex on request ("kiss it") |
Volunteerism |
Removing underwear |
De-briefing |
Exposing his private parts |
Reviewing the executive branch |
Asking for oral sex |
Requesting verbal intercourse |
Copulation |
A seat on the Gubernatorial Staff |
Conducting affairs |
Polling the electorate |
UPDATES!
7/16/99
NOSE JOBS
WEREN'T ENOUGH FOR HIM: Dr. Thomas W. Loeb, the surgeon
who reshaped Paula Jones' nose has been sued by office assistant
Christine Sabia, who claims he demanded oral sex as a condition
for keeping her job. Christine Sabia said in court papers
that immediately after Loeb did Mrs. Jones' surgery in July
1998, he went into his office, dropped his pants and demanded
oral sex...
... Apparently Paula just brings that out in guys...
... Between Paula and the tornadoes that makes
two big blows Clinton's missed in Arkansas...
... Blind trust is EXACTLY how you would describe
the Clintons' relationship...
The $850,000 check President Clinton mailed to
Paula Jones may be placed in the custody of U.S.
District Judge Susan Webber Wright until a dispute
between her two legal teams is resolved. Mrs. Jones
must respond no later than Friday to an $874,000
claim in legal fees from her former lawyers, Joseph
Cammarata and Gilbert Davis...
... Sounds like her lawyers are doing the same
thing to her in court that Clinton tried to do in
the hotel room...
... Not that paying someone accussing you
of sexually harassing them $850,000 makes you
seem INNOCENT...
An appeal of that dismissal was pending...
... As usual, Paula will present no appeal
whatsoever to anyone...
The deal does not include the apology Mrs.
Jones sought when she filed suit four years
ago. ''Nothing in this agreement shall be construed
to be an admission of liability or wrongdoing
by any party,'' the lawyers' signed agreement
said. Nearly half of the payment would come
from Chubb Group Insurance...
... But when you think about it, who WOULDN'T
pay her $850,000 to say she'd never had sex
with them...?
... Cash it? With all that plastic
surgery, good luck providing two types of
ID with a picture that looks anything like
her...
... There's a switch -- now he's
blowing HER off...
Jones is standing firm on making President
Clinton pay to get rid of her sexual
harassment lawsuit against him, but
she is considering a package payoff
less than her $1 million demand - plus
as much as $1 million from New York
real estate tycoon Abe Hirschfeld...
... And Clinton, as always, is
just standing firm...
In written answers in the Paula Jones
lawsuit, President Clinton testified
that he had not had "sexual relations''
with any women who worked for the federal
government or the state of Arkansas
since 1986, a time frame set by the
judge...
... Of course in some parts of
Arkansas, "sexual relations" usually
means your sister or cousin...
... Hey - plastic surgery doesn't
grow on trees, 'ya know...
Paula Jones is standing firm on
making President Clinton pay to
get rid of her sexual harassment
lawsuit against him, but she is
considering a package payoff less
than her $1 million demand - plus
as much as $1 million from New York
real estate tycoon Abe Hirschfeld...
... And Clinton, as always,
is just standing firm...
Multimillionaire Abe Hirschfeld
said he's offering Paula Jones $1
million to settle her sexual harassment
lawsuit against President Clinton.
Hirschfeld, a real estate developer,
theater producer and frequent political
candidate, said he believed the
lawsuit and the investigation of
Clinton by special prosecutor Kenneth
Starr had brought Washington "to
a complete standstill..."
... Actually that's probably
a GOOD thing...
... Throw in some liposuction
and a boob job - it'll be settled...
David Pyke, lawyer for Paula
Jones, said he was "very optimistic''
her sexual harassment lawsuit
against President Clinton will
be settled. Pyke told NBC's
Meet the Press that, quote:
"I believe that we have put
an offer on the table that should
be accepted and will be accepted
eventually. I don't know if
that's going to happen in a
day or a week or a month but
I'm very optimistic,'' he said...
... They won't quit until
HE'S on his knees...
... If they offer to give
you some land on the Whitewater
development, turn it down quickly...
... That's about the
only kind of argument your
hear concerning the president...
... And Paula would
still be living in a
trailer park with a
hook nose and bad hair...
... As
soon as she
testifies again
it'll grow right
back...
... He's learned
his lesson about
exposing what's
in your briefs...
...
Probably
Clinton,
so he
can say
he doesn't
recognize
her in
court...
...
Sadly, there's
nothing
left to
release
that hasn't
been leaked
already...
...
It's
not
that
painful
anymore,
and
she's
used
to feeling
a prick
on her
face...
...
I
know
when
I
hear
the
story
and
look
at
Paula,
I
gag...
...
In
fact
O.J.
says
that
if
he'd
just
killed
her
he
could
get
away
with
no
jail
time
at
all...
...
Let's
hope
she
doesn't
get
her
causes
mixed
up,
or
Clinton
could
be
delivering
his
next
State
of
the
Union
speech
in
a
very
high
voice...
...
And
Paula
owes
them
several
hundred
thousand
of
them...
...
Hey,
she's
got
a
new
make-over,
fixed
teeth,
she
flies
to
correspondents'
dinners
in
Washington
--
if
anything,
Clinton
has
made
her
life
BETTER...
...
When
they
boo
you
more
than
Sharon
Stone,
you
know
you're
in
trouble...
...
Hey
ladies
-
better
check
your
bosses
voter
registration
before
you
so
into
a
room
alone
with
him.
If
he's
a
Democrat
-
it's
open
season!
...
Bill
Clinton
tried
to
gag
her
enough
already...
...Let
me
get
this
straight:
President
Clinton
was
charged
with
whipping
it
out
and
the
case
was
thrown
out
for
lack
of
evidence?
These
jokes
are
writing
themselves...
...
Apparently
Clinton
saw
something
different
in
her
case
five
years
ago...
...
This
just
in
--
Paula
is
now
suing
the
judge
for
ruining
her
chances
for
career
advancement...
HE WOULDN'T
RECOGNIZE HER NOW ANYWAY: Paula Jones crashed President
Clinton's Arkansas homecoming, joining the audience while
the president addressed a community hit hard last week
by tornadoes, quickly leaving the site after Clinton's
speech as he began to shake hands with those gathered
to see him...
DON'T
WORRY, HILLARY -- YOU'LL RECOUP THAT WHITEWATER ANY
DAY NOW: President Clinton paid Paula Jones
$850,000 to settle the sexual harassment lawsuit that
gave rise to the Monica Lewinsky scandal. Clinton
administration officials told the New York Times that
Clinton's Paula Jones pay-off was made with $475,000
from an insurance policy. The remainder was withdrawn
from a blind trust in the name of Hillary Rodham Clinton...
THAT'S
PAULA-TICS: President Clinton agreed to
pay Paula Jones $850,000 to drop her sexual harassment
lawsuit -- with no apology or admission of guilt...
MILLION
DOLLAR SMILE (AND NOSE, AND CHIN, ETC.):
Quirky New York real estate developer Abe
Hirschfeld gave Paula Jones a $1 million check
Saturday but made clear she cannot cash it
unless she reaches a settlement in her sexual
harassment suit against President Clinton...
LOVE
JONES: President Clinton has rejected
a $2 million deal in the Paula Jones sexual
harassment suit. The offer included a
$1 million payment to Jones by eccentric
real estate tycoon Abe Hirschfeld and
a $1 million payment by Clinton, but no
apology from the president for alleged
sexual harassment...
LOVE
JONES: President Clinton's
lawyers have raised their settlement
offer in the Paula Jones sexual harassment
case to $700,000, still short of the
$1 million she wanted, a source close
to the case said...
NEVER
SAY "SETTLE" TO A WOMAN WITH PLASTIC
SURGERY: The Washington
Post reported Clinton lawyers
are trying to settle quickly with
Paula Jones...
MINNESOTA?
IT'S COLDER THAN A LITIGANT'S
T*T THERE! A three-member
panel of the 8th U. S. Circuit
Court of Appeals in St. Paul,
Minn., will hear the oral
arguments next month of Paula
Jones' sexual harassment case
against President Clinton...
UH...HOORAY?
Paula Jones feels vindicated
by Independent Counsel
Kenneth Starr's report
to Congress on President
Clinton's relationship
with a former White House
intern, her former spokeswoman
said. Susan Carpenter-McMillan
said. "Had it not been
for her, none of this
would have been known.
... Without her lawsuit,
he wouldn't have perjured
himself..."
THE
QUICK WAY TO LOSE
TEN POUNDS:
Paula Jones showed
off her nose job
on "PrimeTime
Live'' on ABC.
"I just said I
wanted a normal
nose to match
my face, and he
said 'Trust me,'
and I said, 'OK,'"
Mrs. Jones said.
"Now they can
see my whole face.
The whole me..."
STILL
GAGGING:
President Clinton
renewed his opposition
to public disclosure
of depositions and
other material gathered
in the sexual harassment
suit filed against
him by Paula Jones...
PAULA
LOSES HER
HOOK:
Paula Jones
apparently
had a $9,000
rhinoplasty
(nose job)
at the Park
Avenue office
of New York
plastic
surgeon
Dr. Thomas
Loeb, according
to both
The New
York Post
and New
York Daily
News. The
Post, citing
unidentified
sources,
said the
money for
the operation
came from
an anonymous
donor...
UNSEALED
WITH A KISS-OFF:
U.S. District
Judge Susan
Webber Wright
ordered most
of the court
filings in
Paula Jones'
sexual-harassment
lawsuit against
President
Clinton unsealed
- but will
give the case's
principals
ten days to
appeal...
HERE'S
A NEW
ONE -
PAULA
IS ASKING
SOMEBODY
ELSE FOR
A JOB:
Star magazine
reports
that Paula
Jones
has lined
up a renowned
New York
plastic
surgeon,
Dr. Thomas
Loeb,
to give
her a
nose job...
JUDGE
LIKES
PAULA
TO
REMAIN
TIGHT-LIPPED:
In
Little
Rock,
Ark.,
U.S.
District
Judge
Susan
Webber
Wright
is
reconsidering
her
decision
to
close
files
and
impose
a
gag
order
in
Paula
Jones'
sexual
harassment
lawsuit
against
President
Clinton.
Acting
on
orders
from
an
appeals
court,
Wright
gave
media
lawyers
until
June
19
to
persuade
her
that
privacy
concerns
aren't
strong
enough
for
her
to
maintain
a
confidentiality
order
in
the
case...
O.J.
CUTS
UP:
Bill
Clinton
has
one
defender
whose
support
he
may
not
be
seeking
-
O.J.
Simpson.
It
seems
the
President
has
Simpson's
sympathy
in
the
Paula
Jones
and
Monica
Lewinsky
scandals.
"If
it's
true
what
happened
to
Paula
Jones,
simply
for
hitting
on
a
dog
like
her,
he
should
do
30
days.
Other
than
that,
I
don't
think
it's
anybody's
business,"
Simpson
told
the
Weekly
Standard's
Matt
Labash...
PAULA'S
MOUTHPIECE?
CLINTON
WANTS
TO
MEET
HER:
Susan
Carpenter-McMillan,
spokesperson
for
Paula
Jones,
promises
she
"will
always
be
there
for
Paula
to
defend
her
and
be
her
friend,"
but
is
now
returning
to
her
other
beloved
cause
--
chemical
castration
for
child
molesters...
PAULA
STILL
REFUSING
TO
ROLL
OVER:
Paula
Corbin
Jones
has
filed
a
four-page
notice
of
appeal
with
the
8th
U.S.
Circuit
Court
of
Appeals
in
St.
Louis,
challenging
the
April
1
decision
to
throw
out
her
sexual
harassment
case.
Her
attorneys
say
they
have
strong
reasons
why
the
suit
should
resume...
WHAT
DID
PAULA
EAT
--
THE
CROW?
Paula
Jones,
the
woman
who
accused
President
Clinton
of
sexual
harassment,
shared
the
spotlight
with
him
at
a
star-studded
dinner
Saturday
night.
Movie
stars
Sharon
Stone,
Michael
Douglas
and
Warren
Beatty
were
among
the
entertainment
luminaries
attending
the
event.
As
Jones
passed
through
the
ornate
lobby
of
the
Hilton
Hotel,
several
hundred
people,
including
tuxedo
clad
and
sequined-gowned
guests,
booed
loudly...
THEY'RE
CHANGING
THEIR
NAME
FROM
"NOW"
TO
"LATER:"
The
National
Organization
for
Women
said
it
would
not
file
a
brief
in
support
of
Paula
Jones'
sexual
harassment
case
against
President
Clinton.
NOW
president
Patricia
Ireland
said
Jones
was
being
backed
by
"disreputable
right
wing
organizations,
who
themselves
have
a
longstanding
political
interest
in
undermining
our
movement
to
strengthen
women's
rights
and
weakening
the
laws
that
protect
those
rights..."
YOU
DON'T
OFTEN
SEE
THE
WORDS
"PAULA
JONES"
AND
"APPEAL"
IN
THE
SAME
SENTENCE:
Paula
Jones
has
decided
to
appeal
a
federal
judge's
dismissal
of
her
sexual
harassment
case
against
the
president.
Meanwhile,
a
federal
appeals
court
ordered
the
judge
in
Paula
Jones'
sexual
harassment
case
against
President
Clinton
to
reconsider
her
gag
order...
IT'S
OVER!!!
"How
will
I
celebrate
the
legal
victory?
I
plan
to
sit
quietly
in
my
hotel
room,
do
a
little
reading,
and
ponder
life's
strange
twists
and
turns
before
having
a
glass
of
warm
milk,
saying
a
little
prayer,
and
climbing
into
bed
for
a
long,
restful
night
of
solitary
sleep."
THAT'S
PAULA-TICS:
In
a
major
legal
victory
for
President
Clinton,
Federal
Judge
Susan
Webber
Wright
has
dismissed
the
sexual
harassment
lawsuit
that
Paula
Jones
filed
against
him
four
years
ago.
Jones
is
said
to
be
in
shock,
while
Clinton
asked
in
fact
if
the
news
was
an
April
Fool's
joke.
In
a
40-page
ruling,
U.S.
District
Judge
Susan
Webber
Wright
ruled
today
that
Jones,
a
former
Arkansas
state
clerk,
does
not
have
a
case
"worthy
of
submitting
to
a
jury..."
IT
AIN'T
OVER
'TIL
THE
FAT
PRESIDENT
SINGS:
Matt
Drudge
reported