|
Stop
getting ripped off at the Office supply store - click above
Monica
Lewinsky:
 |
"GREAT ARE THE MYTHS"
by Walt Whitman
"Youth, large, lusty loving -
Youth, full of grace, force, fascination!
Do you know that Old Age may come after you,
with equal grace, force, fascination?"
-- A poem from the Walt Whitman book "Leaves of Grass."
(The collection of poems given by President Clinton to White
House intern Monica Lewinsky.)
SHE SAID
A MOUTHFUL: THE FACTS ABOUT MONICA LEWINSKY
 |
BIG BLOWHARD:
In the summer of 1995, she was a 21-year-old intern in the
office of White House Chief of Staff Leon Panetta. By November
she had become a staff assistant in Office of Legislative
Affairs ("affairs" apparently being the key word). Reportedly,
she bragged to friends about her sexual relationship with
the president, and word leaked. So in April, 1996, she was
transferred to the Pentagon as the Assistant to the Assistant
Secretary of Defense for Public Affairs, where she held
TS-SCI clearance, allowing access to top secret and sensitive
government property...
Result: Hey, if you "handle sensitive government
property" with enough dexterity you can go FAR...
THE STARR REPORT:
A BLOW-BY-BLOW ACCOUNT
Kenneth Starr's X-rated report on President Clinton
and Monica Lewinsky debuted last week on the Internet,
but that hasn't stopped it from being a big seller as
a book. The paperback versions rushed out by three publishers
are selling fast...
... It hasn't hurt cigar sales, either...
SOUNDS
LIKE THEY BOTH HAVE AN ORAL FIXATION: Lewinsky
told the prosecutors: "[W]e made an arrangement that
. . . he would have the door to his office open, and
I would pass by the office with some papers and then
. . . he would sort of stop me and invite me in. So,
that was exactly what happened. I passed by and that
was actually when I saw [Secret Service Uniformed
Officer] Lew Fox who was on duty outside the Oval
Office, and stopped and spoke with Lew for a few minutes,
and then the President came out and said, oh, hey,
Monica . . . come on in . . . . And so we spoke for
about 10 minutes in the [Oval] office. We sat on the
sofas. Then we went into the back study and we were
intimate in the bathroom.(205) Ms. Lewinsky testified
that during this bathroom encounter, she and the President
kissed, and he touched her bare breasts with his hands
and his mouth.(206) The President "was talking about
performing oral sex on me," according to Ms. Lewinsky.(207)
But she stopped him because she was menstruating and
he did not.(208) Ms. Lewinsky did perform oral sex
on him. Afterward, she and the President moved to
the Oval Office and talked. According to Ms. Lewinsky:
"[H]e was chewing on a cigar. And then he had the
cigar in his hand and he was kind of looking at the
cigar in . . . sort of a naughty way. And so . . .
I looked at the cigar and I looked at him and I said,
we can do that, too, some time."(210)...
... He offered her a seat on the White House
staff...
AWAITING
HER NATION'S CALL: We had ... phone sex for
the first time the week prior, and I was feeling
a little bit insecure about whether he had liked
it or didn't like it .... I didn't know if this
was sort of developing into some kind of a longer-term
relationship than what I thought it initially might
have been, that maybe he had some regular girlfriend
who was furloughed....(221)
... If you check her dress Monica wasn't
furloughed -- she received a discharge...
According to Ms. Lewinsky, she questioned the
President about his interest in her. "I asked
him why he doesn't ask me any questions about
myself, and ... is this just about sex ... or
do you have some interest in trying to get to
know me as a person?"(222) The President laughed
and said, according to Ms. Lewinsky, that "he
cherishes the time that he had with me."(223)
She considered it "a little bit odd" for him to
speak of cherishing their time together "when
I felt like he didn't really even know me yet."(224)
...
... Hey, that's the kind of relationship
guys cherish the MOST...
They continued talking as they went to the hallway
by the study. Then, with Ms. Lewinsky in mid-sentence,
"he just started kissing me."(225) He lifted her
top and touched her breasts with his hands and
mouth.(226) According to Ms. Lewinsky, the President
"unzipped his pants and sort of exposed himself,"
and she performed oral sex...
... He displayed the Executive Branch...
On Sunday, March 31, 1996, according to Ms.
Lewinsky, she and the President resumed their
sexual contact.(264) Ms. Lewinsky was at the White
House from 10:21 a.m. to 4:27 p.m. on that day.(265)
The President was in the Oval Office from 3:00
to 5:46 p.m.(266) His only call while in the Oval
Office was from 3:06 to 3:07 p.m.(267) Mrs. Clinton
was in Ireland.(268) In the hallway by the study,
the President and Ms. Lewinsky kissed. On this
occasion, according to Ms. Lewinsky, "he focused
on me pretty exclusively," kissing her bare breasts
and fondling her genitals.(272) At one point,
the President inserted a cigar into Ms. Lewinsky's
vagina, then put the cigar in his mouth and said:
"It tastes good."...
... Did he inhale...?
Return to COMEDY ON TAP
|
|