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WHAT?
A Tasmanian farmer is feeding his geese protein-rich cannabis
seed to give them a better start in life. Ian Rochfort
says the seed is better for young geese than commercial
feed. People dining on his geese will not become intoxicated.
He said: Mr. Rochfort says the seed has a much higher
protein content than barley or wheat and is rich in amino
acids, good fats and fibres..
... In one restaurant the goose is most
popular 'smoked !'
-- nightlake
... Turns out those pot heads weren't
just hallucinating it..
-- BLACKMACH
... The only problem is all the geese
mysteriously disappear at 4:20 every afternoon...
-- mindy czos
... The only down side is the feed is
$200 oz...
-- mowgli
(No shortage of weed smokers on our list
-- Rlee)
Ten sheep in New Zealand have been given their own website.
Lambsonline features ten lambs adopted as cyberpets by schoolchildren
in their twin-town in Japan. The lambs in Westport are "fostered"
by local children who write messages on behalf of the lambs.
The virtual pets were adopted by children from Amagase while
visiting New Zealand. The ten adopted sheep featured on
Lamsonline are Curly, Motley, Luncheon, Fluffy, Spiro, Poppy,
Mavis, Lambchop, Bunter and Button...
... Do the children also get virtual
lamb chops after the newness wears off?
-- Jeff Norsworthy
... Mary had a little lamb. And so did
Tommy and Betty and Johnny...
-- RRibbke.
... Poor "Shake-n-Bake" was
dropped from the list due to the school lunch program.
-- Dan Preston
... Next week....search under veal...
-- BBFRAGOD
Two men will walk down the main street of their home town
in frocks - on the order of a US judge. Jason Householder
and John Stockum chose the unusual punishment - rather than
spend 60 days in jail. Judge David Hostetler gave the pair
the choice after they threw beer bottles at passing cars
and were rude to a young woman. They will dress up and spend
one hour on main street Coshocton County, later this week...
...The week seemed to "drag"
by.
-- Wayne Hogue
... so they get to dress as woman and
look like asses instead of going to jail and having their
asses used as women...?
-- "ts010a5077"
(that should be in tasteless, don't you
think? -- Rlee)
A vodka company in the US is launching a new brand - distilled
from soy beans. The 3 Vodka Distilling Co says the new premium
vodka has a "taste and smoothness like no other."...
... Isn't that what they said about pepsi
free?
-- mindy czos
... For health-conscious alcoholics...
-- nightlake
Absolute Tofu?
-- Root
ENTERTAINMENT
Bruce Willis says he has given up dating to concentrate
on himself. He says women only want him because he is a
film star. Willis said; "Here's the point - I would
like to be judged or chosen because of who I am as a human
being. Not because of the fame."...
... I spent most of my adolesence 'concentrating
on myself' instead of dating
-- "ts010a5077"
Bruce.. who?
-- BLACKMACH
"... CUT! ...ok, bruce baby, one
more time, and this time, MORE EMOTIONS, for Christ's
Sake this is for the press!..."
-- joshmartin
Arnold Schwarzenegger has been awarded an honorary doctorate
in business administration. IMADEC university in Vienna
lauded the Austrian-born actor's life achievements and the
work he has done to promote the country's economy. Schwarzenegger
was unable to accept the degree in person. Austrian radio
reported an email from the Terminator star cited his security
concerns in the wake of the September 11 terror attacks
on the United States...
... He can destroy futuristic robot
assassins but he can not handle airplane food?
-grendel54 (Jen)
"Stay at home if you want to live"
-- Root
... Sorry, he won't be bach...
-- BBFRAGOD
... The first honorary doctorate in business
administration written in crayon...
-- mowgli
(OUCH -- Rlee)
WEIRD
A gang in Germany are holding trees 'hostage' by threatening
to chop them down if their owners don't hand over hundreds
of pounds. Police say adverts in Hanover claim the gang
will take on every kind of garden work at a reasonable price.
But when they show up as arranged, the men take out chainsaws
and threaten to cut down trees if they aren't given money.
One woman has already lost two trees for failing to find
the money in time...
...She was going to go to the bank to
get the money, but she didn't have time to get to her
BRANCH...
-- johnsittin
TODAY IN HISTORY
Can you believe it? Krigirl is turning 18!!!
That's right - her name is Kristin and she was born on
10/28/83. That means that tomorrow on Sunday she will
finally be 18!!
Kristin lives in The Woodlands, Texas which is a somewhat
small town north of Houston. If you've ever heard about
an
experiment where they grew cartilage for an ear on the
back
of a mouse..... That happened there!!!
.... there was no way of keeping a secret from that
rodent.
-- Jennifer McQuoi
TASTELESS
An Australian city is searching for its ugliest man in a
tongue-in-cheek competition for charity. The contest, in
Perth, commemorates the fundraising efforts of a group which
helped orphans and widows in the 1920s and 30s. The WA Uglie
Men's Voluntary Association ran a competition to find Perth's
ugliest man, which was started in 1917 by a woman fed-up
with the miners not helping with fundraising events. The
city's Deckchair Theatre Company has revived the Uglie Man
competition, to raise money for a local soup kitchen and
a welfare agency...
... In Perth, this may be a dead heat...
-- Jeff Norseworthy
... And the winner is.........Janet
Reno!!
-- Joe F. - thanks for the little contest, RL; I shall
now go back to kickin' ass
... Steve Buschemi was disqualified for
being a professional...
-- Root
... And the winner can't be with us today
- he's hiding in a cave somewhere in Afghanistan
-- geej (Gary) One of your loyal subjects in The Land
of Oz
TECHNICAL
AWARDS
BEST CALLBACK
FROM A PREVIOUS STORY:
An Australian city is searching for its
ugliest man in a tongue-in-cheek competition for charity.
The contest, in Perth, commemorates the fundraising efforts
of a group which helped orphans and widows in the 1920s
and 30s. The WA Uglie Men's Voluntary Association ran
a competition to find Perth's ugliest man, which was started
in 1917 by a woman fed-up with the miners not helping
with fundraising events. The city's Deckchair Theatre
Company has revived the Uglie Man competition, to raise
money for a local soup kitchen and a welfare agency...
... The current favourite being the bastard offspring
between a New Zealander and a cybersheep...
-- "ts010a5077"
BEST CALLBACK
FROM A STORY THAT HAPPENED ABOUT A HUNDRED YEARS AGO
Two men will walk down the main street of their home
town in frocks - on the order of a US judge. Jason Householder
and John Stockum chose the unusual punishment - rather
than spend 60 days in jail. Judge David Hostetler gave
the pair the choice after they threw beer bottles at passing
cars and
were rude to a young woman. They will dress up and spend
one hour on main street Coshocton County, later this week...
... keep Eddie Murphy away...
-- meyerd
BEST "I'M
LAZY COMEDY ON TAP-LIKE JOKE"
ENTERTAINMENT
Bruce Willis says he has given up dating to concentrate
on himself. He says women only want him because he is
a film star. Willis said; "Here's the point - I would
like to be judged or chosen because of who I am as a human
being. Not because of the fame."...
... Insert hair replacement joke here...
-- Root
(lazy bastard... nice one -- Rlee)
BEST GROANERS
Ten sheep in New Zealand have been given their own website.
Lambsonline features ten lambs adopted as cyberpets by
schoolchildren in their twin-town in Japan. The lambs
in Westport are "fostered" by local children
who write messages on behalf of the lambs. The virtual
pets were adopted by children from Amagase while visiting
New Zealand. The ten adopted sheep featured on Lamsonline
are Curly, Motley, Luncheon, Fluffy, Spiro, Poppy, Mavis,
Lambchop, Bunter and Button...
... I bet the children that play with the cybersheep consider
it "sheer" fun!! They just need to be careful,
the lambs might "byte"!!
-- audreyrn
...To protect the sheep the site may only be accessed
by surfers using NetNaAAAAaaanny...
-- bwbehling
UN-SUBSCRIBER
OF THE MONTH
From: "Mary O
To: "Comedy On Tap" <rodney@comedyontap.com>
Subject: Re: Comedy On Tap - John Edward
Obviously you've never seen John Edward. If you had,
you wouldn't doubt his ability or insult those that do
believe in it. And I am very much alive as are the many,
many people that watch him. More, I'm sure, then read
your drivel, which infrequently borders on the humorous.
Of course, the only times it does, the same news has been
previously sent by other lists.
Please cancel my "subscription." I receive
too much junk mail as it is.
-- Mary O
FINALLY
DIS-HONORABLE
MENTION
From: "Margaret J.
To: "Comedy On Tap" <rodney@comedyontap.com>
Subject: Re: Comedy On Tap
Date: Sat, 27 Oct 2001 15:31:27 -0400
Often I don't know some of the people you are knocking,
but this time you
hit me close to home. You might want to know something
about John Edward before you assume nobody would listen
to him. There are many, many people who listen to him
and the majority of them are well educated people who
are not likely to be drawn in by a con. He has an ability
that is amazing, not something to be laughed at. More
over, he has something you will never have; compassion
for others.
... My impersonation of when John Edward meets Margaret
J.:
... "I see dumb people"...
-- Rodney Lee
Goodnight, drive safely, try the veal...folks.
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